Remember when we used to go to concerts? Remember when listening to our .mp3s wasn’t enough anymore and so we had to see [insert some indie rock band] live because it was just not the same? Did we go “for the experience” or just to say that we went? Remember when we waited too long for the headliner, but it was meaningful because we were surrounded by people who listened to the same obscure bands that we did? Remember when these people showed up too?
1. The receding-hairline dad accompanying his tween daughter(s)
It’s a true sign of dedication to fatherhood when a dad shows up to a concert to chaperone his preteen children. He might look a little out of place, or perhaps he’s wearing a more bewildered “What happened to my little angels?” look. Or who knows, he might even be really into J-Biebs, in which case more power to you, Dad.
2. The way-too-tall guy standing right in front of you
Yes, you’re tall. Yes, you’re standing right in front of me. No, I can’t see the stage. Yes, you should move.
3. The guy who gets the set list
The show is over, and you’re hovering near the front to wait for the crew to clear the stage so you can nab the set list. You think you’re making eye contact with the tech dude and you outstretch your hand, but before you know it the guy beside you is waving the set list in the air and you realize he wasn’t looking at you at all. Oops. Maybe next time.
4. The couple whose lips are hot glue-gunned to each other
Man, there’s just something about this electronic dance music makes me want to suck face with you. Hope everyone around us doesn’t mind!
5. The middle-aged couple desperately trying to cling onto their youth
Perhaps only our bodies age and our minds stay the same. Perhaps “youth” is not an indicator of age but a state of mind. Perhaps mid-life crises are real after all. Regardless, this couple is rocking out harder than you and you wish you were having as much fun as they are.
6. The girl that keeps yelling wooooooo!
Honey, I know you’re really into this band and so am I, but I think you should cool it. I hope your vocal chords will be fine tomorrow, but I know my ear drums will not.
7. The stoner
So he doesn’t seem completely lucid and he’s bumbling around the audience aimlessly bumping into everyone with a ridiculous grin on his face, but it looks like he is having a better time than you are, so you start asking yourself, “What is he on?” and more importantly, “Where do I get some?”
8. The girl on her phone the ENTIRE time
Don’t worry about me–I’ll just be here in the front row. Checking in on Facebook. Live-tweeting when my favorite musician takes a sip of water or says something funny. Instagramming the moment so my followers can keep up with the awesome things I do in my amazing life. Taking videos so I can relive this live experience forever and ever.
9. The band-merch-clad super fans
There’s no better way to brand yourself as an authentic fan than to wear the band’s merch to their own concert. Or conversely, commit a terrible faux pas while being redundant (check me out in my Crystal Castles t-shirt at a Crystal Castles concert). Is wearing band merch “cool” in any setting? Granted, it is cool to help an up-and-coming band pay the bills [via buying merch].
10. The head-bobber
Sometimes you’ll find someone who is really feeling the music, and there’s not quite enough space to dance and the only thing he can really do is bob his head. So he bobs, and bobs, and he keeps bobbing, and bobbing…
11. The perfect stranger
Sometimes you might go to a concert alone, and while waiting for the headliner to show up (and trying to not check your phone every two minutes), you might start asking yourself questions like “Where did all my friends go?” or “Who is that cute guy/girl over there?” or “Do I need to do laundry?” and you might begin to question why you came at all. But the music starts, they’re playing your song and your hands are up, and you momentarily shift your glance and lock eyes with someone in the audience a share a “this is really awesome” moment and you feel like your existence has been validated and you remember why you came in the first place.